Falling in Love Is Not for Cowards

You've been dating several weeks, and you have a feeling he might be the one. He calls when he says he'll call. He shows up when he says he'll show up. Your friends like him, and he's nice to your cat. He's doing everything right, and you're pretty sure he's everything you ever wanted in a man.

But you're not sleeping well. Your hands shake when you pour a cup of coffee. You're distracted at work. And people keep asking you, "How's it going with the new romance? When's the wedding?"

You're freaking out.

What's wrong with you?

Well, nothing, really. You've reached the point in a new relationship where everything seems to be going well, but part of you is terrified that suddenly it'll end: He'll stop calling. He'll meet somebody else. You'll discover his dresser drawers are crammed with women's underwear.

And your fears are right and natural. Every time he does something right, you fall for him a little more. You're scared because you've only just met him, you don't really know him, and he holds your heart in his hands! Your mind races with questions: If he's so great, why isn't he married? Why didn't his last relationship last? And so on.

You find yourself fighting the urge to call his parents and closest friends for character references.

Let's face it. Falling in love is not for cowards. It takes strength, confidence, and poise. It becomes tempting to dissect every gesture, every snippet of dialogue with a well-meaning friend who is only too happy to advise you on your new relationship.

But don't do it.

Think of your new relationship as a seed you've planted in the ground. The seed needs time to germinate and break through the soil, but every time you discuss your relationship with a third party, you dig it up. The relationship is no longer a potentially sacred thing between two people but the subject of speculation for many others. You've robbed it of its specialness and mystery.

Avoid the temptation to ask a friend, "What do you think he meant when he said...?" Ask him instead. If he does something that bothers you, tell him. Keep the relationship between you.

Adopt a "we'll see what happens" attitude. It takes courage, definitely, but it's worth it. Give your burgeoning relationship the sun and water it deserves. Only you can decide whether a man is right for you.

Please trust yourself to do that.

About The Author


Terry MacDonald is the happily married author of "How to Attract and Marry the Man of Your Dreams." Sign up for free dating tips at http://www.marrysmart.com. Check out her blog at http://happygirlmusing.blogspot.com.

Revitalize Your Love Life!
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True Love and Romantic Fiction, the Perfect Couple

The world is intrigued by true love stories just as much as fiction these days. Now, you can find a variety of sites dedicated to the reality of love at your perusal.
It goes to show you that just as many of us are captivated by the reality of romance as we are by a good romance fiction.

Although the two can offer some of the same results for the reader, it's clear they both bring something of their own individual value to the table.

You can't always get the same thing from true love stories that you can get from romantic fiction and vice versa. Neither can replace the other, but they both certainly do make the perfect couple.

You can take a closer look and see that we are often drawn to both types for different reasons. One very significant reason that many of us are captivated by romantic fiction is escapism.
The ability to dream and dare to dream. To live out experiences that would be impossible in reality... or unlikely. To take on new lives and journey to new worlds that don't exist, for the sheer pleasure of it.

We get to ask ourselves, "What life do I want to live today?" and then pick up a book and choose our own adventure that journeys us through our pick of the day.
True love stories can't really replace the sort of bond we form with fiction. Reality is one thing but fantasy is another.

Of course true love stories offer their own sort of getaway, but the boundaries are clear. In reality, most stories are bound by life's limitations. Oh, you may have a few exceptions to the rule, in which something miraculous happened, but that's on an every-now-and-then basis.
But even then we will never be able to journey to a different world and experience life in ways that exist in fiction.

However, true love stories do have a magic of their own. The truth and experiences that we all share in this world will always carry greater weight with us. To connect with a real person who experienced similar trials can't be replaced by fiction.

Curiosity may drive us to read a true story but it's inspiration and intrigue that keeps us there. Knowing someone out there--someone real has gone through something we've personally experienced is powerful.

True, we may be able to make up a sort of false reality with romantic fiction, but it can't replace the substance of truth. That real connection.

True love stories have their own individual quality. They draw us in, because really... what could be more fascinating than reading a true tale about love offset by the circumstance of reality? We all know there's no guarantee in life. Whether we will be dealt a good or bad hand in love is questionable.

We don't know the odds, or what the outcome in our lives will be in the end or during our own personal adventure through life.
When we add the limitations of uncertainty to the pot and combine them together with love--that alone captures our interest.

Whether the ending is good or bad, we're intrigued by the fortunes and misfortunes of reality, because life truly does imitate art.


About The Author

Tameka Norris is the founder of Romantic Short Love Stories. Offering the best of both worlds with true stories about love and romantic fiction. Visit http://www.romantic-short-love-stories.com.

Actions of Love

Myrna, 38 and a successful physician, sought my help because she often felt inadequate. While she really valued herself as a doctor, she did not value herself in her important relationships with friends and family. In addition, she said she wanted to be in a loving relationship but she took no actions to meet available men.

In the course of our work together, it became apparent that Myrna rarely took loving action in her own behalf with her friends and family. For example, Jessica, one of Myrna’s friends, would often get angry and blame Myrna when Myrna was not available for dinner with Jessica. Myrna would feel guilty and responsible for Jessica’s feelings and meet her for dinner even when she was exhausted from work. Myrna would feel drained after these dinners and depressed for a few days after, never realizing it was because she had not taken loving care of herself.

Myrna realized that the reason she was afraid to be in a relationship was because she had no idea how to take care of herself around others. She was terrified of completely losing herself in an important relationship. She realized that if she could not speak up for herself with Jessica, how could she ever speak up and take loving action for herself with a man she was in love with? She realized that she would continue to feel lonely, anxious, inadequate and depressed until she learned to take loving action for herself.

Many people suffer daily from anxiety, depression, stress, and anger as well as from feelings of guilt, shame and inadequacy. The major cause of these feelings is a lack of loving action in their own behalf.

Loving actions fall into two categories: Loving actions for yourself and loving actions in relationship to others.

LOVING ACTIONS FOR YOURSELF

Loving actions for yourself are those actions that attend to your own needs. When you take loving action in your own behalf, you are letting yourself know that you matter, you are important, you count. When you fail to take loving action, you give yourself the message that you are not important, which leads to feelings of depression and inadequacy.

Loving actions for yourself might include:

* Eating nutritious foods, avoiding junk food and sugar, eating when hungry and stopping when full.

* Getting enough exercise.

* Keeping your work and home environments clean and organized.

* Getting enough sleep.

* Creating a balance between work and play. Making sure you have time to get your work done, as well as time to do nothing, reflect, learn, play and create.

* Creating a good support system of people who love and care about you.

* Being organized with your time, getting places on time, paying bills on time, and so on.

* Choosing to be compassionate with yourself rather than judgmental toward yourself.

* Creating a balance between time for yourself and time with others.

* Making sure you are physically safe by wearing a seat belt in a car, a helmet on a motorcycle, scooter, or bike, goggles when necessary, and so on.

LOVING ACTIONS IN RELATIONSHIP TO OTHERS

Loving actions in relationship to others might include:

* Being kind and compassionate toward others without compromising your own integrity or ignoring your own needs and feelings.

* Saying no when you mean no and yes when you mean yes, rather than giving yourself up and going along with something you don’t want to do, or automatically resisting what another wants from you.

* Taking care of your own needs instead of trying to change and control others. Accepting your lack of control over others and either accepting them as they are or not being around them.

* Speaking your truth about what is acceptable to you and what is unacceptable and then taking action for yourself based on your truth.

* Taking personal responsibility for your own feelings and needs, instead of being a victim and making others responsible for your feelings and needs.

* Creating a balance between giving and receiving, rather than a one-way street with another person.

As a result of learning to take better care of herself alone and with others, Myrna no longer felt depressed and inadequate. She gradually lost her fears of being in a relationship, and is delighted to be meeting available men.

About the Author:

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?" and “Healing Your Aloneness.” She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or email her at mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com. Phone Sessions Available.

Sadness Of Love

Click any website that talks of sadness of love. You will get moist eyes after some time. The quotes of some people about the sadness they feel after losing love are very emotionally shattering. Why should love bring so much sadness? When a loved one leaves for some one else, why do most of us feel devastated? For many of us it is an earth shaking experience. What was pure pleasure turns into absolute pain that is unbearable.

Why does lost love bring so much sadness? A lover cries her/his eyes dry with sadness, but the sadness does not go away. The more one tries to avoid thinking of the lost love, the more memories come back. Every spot where you shared something, every road where you walked together, every incident that you shared, they all become deep wounds that never heal. They take away the essence of living. They leave one lost forever in sadness with a loneliness that refuses to go away.

What do the people who leave their lover think after leaving? I have no clue to that. But I know one fact. Such brutes try to justify their action in many ways. This is their way of telling their own conscience that what they did was correct. Though they justify in many ways, I wonder if they ever are satisfied with their own explanations? One great advantage such people who leave a life sad is - They depart after giving so much pain that the one who is left has no desire or energy to go back to them and ask- Why? To meet one's lost love again may become very frightening because of the pain given before. One may begin perspiring at the very thought.

After knowing about this sadness, I can only say that one feels that death is better than to live with such sadness. Life becomes impossible. As there is no way to punish the brutes who leave a life shattered, the only prayer one can make is - God, please let her/him know about what she/he did. Please ask her/him to repent and come back.

About the writer:C.D.Mohatta is a content writer for ecards & greetings, screensavers and wallpapers. Some links are: http://www.screene.com , http://www.ecarduniverse.com and http://www.cupidecards.com


Pearl Bailey Posted on: 7/17/2006 12:13:29 AM CST
"What the world really needs is more love and less paper work."
Pedro Calderon de la Barca Posted on: 7/15/2006 11:21:50 PM CST
"When love is not madness, it is not love."
Zora Neale Hurston Posted on: 7/15/2006 12:06:24 AM CST
"Love makes your soul crawl out from its hiding place."

Love Arithmetic

Numbers play an unimaginably big role in our life. But when we talk about love a magic of numbers becomes apparent with might and main. Do you want to know how to orient in arithmetic of tender feelings and control your passion with the help of numbers?

One

A man, who wants to meet a girl, visits all events starting from discothèque in a night club and finishing with a reception in Great guild alone. He doesn't need a friend-rival near. Only very young and extremely diffident guys go hunting in a group, chuckling nervously and looking around quickly, searching for appropriate girlfriends. However, any man, even the shiest one and surrounded by a crowd of friends, will find an opportunity to stay alone quickly, as soon as some girl attracts his attention. And he'll be expecting the same from you. In every female magazine you're insistently advised not to take your friends with you everywhere and give him, your desired one, an opportunity to come and start a conversation. He also looks through these magazines. So don't betray his expectations. One plus one equals a couple.

Two

2 months passed since your meeting this is an occasion to begin considering you a real stable couple, especially if you always go to cinema, friends' place, party or restaurant together! And no other names and variants occur both to you and him. You see each other no less than twice a week and spend weekends together. If for these two months you haven't established such relationships, your affair is chance. And presence of intimate closeness plays no role here: there's a lot of truth in an old joke that sex is not an occasion for acquaintance yet.

Three

Third is always not wanted here. Never attach somebody else to your couple. Third one in a couple can be only a common baby, playing a role of a connecting-link. A couple consists of two extremes and is an unstable number. Any third party friend, your loved one's friend, mother or mother-in-law can damage balance between you and drag somebody across her side. Even married couples with long-term experience of family life feel some tension in relations and begin quarrelling after long communication with one guest. To avoid fatal influence of number "three" on your love, you don't need to banish a friend, father-in-law or your own mother, who came to your place. You just should put a fourth empty cup on the edge of the table by chance, seat your boyfriend or husband near you, take his hand in your more often and keep close physical contact with him.

Four

Don't put a number of flowers divisible by 4 (4, 8, 16) in your vase: according to some tokens, it is considered that such bouquet offers your dear one to go wherever he chooses. But if you want to part with your lover quietly, this receipt will be useful for you.

Five

Family psychologists think that only after 5 years of family life it's possible to say whether your marriage is happy or not. Partners adjust themselves to each other during 5 years. For 5 years a particular atmosphere, peculiar only to this family, is created and then it will be difficult for you to correct something. For 5 years characters of married people open completely. By the way, 5 years together is also a good occasion to think about whether you like the man you're living with?

Six

A happy and lucky number, as it consists of a sum of its divisors 1+2+3=6. In numerology six is a symbol of Venus and protects loving couples. If you want to make your love stronger, arrange a romantic date on a sixth day of week, common journeys start on sixth number or in the sixth month of year. When you invite guests to your place, let it be 6 persons 3 couples, and then all of you will become closer with your partners.

Seven

If age difference between you and your partner is seven or less years, this means you belong to the same generation you're attracted by the same fashion, watch same movies, listen same singers. You have a lot to talk about.

Psychologists think that the luckiest marriages are entered between partners, belonging to the same generation. Their relations are not only love ones, but also friendly. In case when your partner is 14 years senior you (two times 7), then, most likely, he'll treat you like a little girl for the whole life. Surely, this doesn't mean your life will be bad, but it will be much more difficult for you to come to an understanding.

Eight

If it's 8 day after your meeting, and your new friend hasn;t called you yet, a chance of his interest to you equals zero. Even if he was sent to an urgent business-trip to Madagascar, he can call your cellular on his way to airport is he wants. Should you call him yourself? Yes, now you can: you lose nothing, even if he considers you cheeky and importunate, - all the same he didn't like you too much. And may be your insistence will touch his heart, you know, you like when somebody likes you, and he will feel sympathy for you, one step away from love?

Nine

Nine is a number of wisdom. Did your boyfriend offer you living together or marrying him, but you hesitate and don't know what to do? Take time-out for 9 days, think of nothing special, and a true decision will occur to you by itself in 9 days, like a fetus ripens in 9 months in a mother's belly.

Why numbers are of importance for us

In mystic numerology five is considered to be a lucky number for weddings, as it represents a sum of a female number 2 and male one 3. To help five to work, you may unite in matrimony in the fifth month of a year, good dates are 5th, 15th or 25th, and also all others, which numbers form five in a sum: 14th, 24th and so on.

We often think with images, i.e. imagine some pictures in our mind. And each number has such graphic, symbolic meaning for us.

One -loneliness, lonely tree, pride, all-sufficiency.

Two -two in love, married couple, scales, two halves of an apple, plus and minus, something unstable, discrepant, vacillating and gravitating to each other.

Three -not only a family of 3 persons, but also a love triangle.

Four -four sides of the world, will ,freedom, but at the same time 4 legs of chair and table steadiness and reliability.

Five - 5 fingers of a hand or foot, a human figure – head, 2 hands and 2 legs, something rational and right, all-sufficient and well-arranged.

Six - a hexahedral ice crystal, snowflake, harmony, satiety and prosperity. In a company of 6 persons you still can keep common conversation and nobody will feel lonely.

Seven - right this quantity of words, numbers, concepts and names we can remember with ease, with only one mentioning, not memorizing, that's why seven is considered to be a number of wisdom we don't need the eighth miracle of the world, eighth day of a week, eighth color of rainbow, if we hardly can keep them in our memory?

Eight - consists of seven plus one and means something unnecessary, and we should still investigate whether it's good or bad, may be this is prosperity, or may be this is some trouble.

Nine - a number of wisdom, as a woman's pregnancy lasts for 9 months and as a result a baby is born, whom you can compare with a long-awaited idea. A group of 9 persons can discuss an idea and find one wise decision, and bigger quantity of people turns every discussion into row and needs a guide, directing a meeting.

Numbers, exceeding nine, we treat like "many", and they lose their bright notional meaning for us.

About The Author


Yana Mikheeva is the creator of the WomansPassions site for women and about women at http://www.womanspassions.com, it is an on-line resource for women and about women. Here you can find articles on various subjects, such as: diets, receipts, health, cellulite, figure, aromatherapy, wholesome food, psychology of relationships, pregnancy, parenting, fashion and many others. She also has a blog for women at http://www.womanspassions.com/blog/

yana@womanspassions.com

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Why Love is Just Not Enough

Loving someone and being loved in return, along with good health and financial independence, are among the things that people most desire to have in their lives. Being in a loving relationship makes us feel happy, safe and secure.

Love gives us a sense of achievement and enables us to balance the stresses and strains in our lives with the knowledge that there's someone there to offer support in times of crisis and share those moments of happiness.

Life couldn't get any better...

....then things may start to get a little shaky.

If you've reached the stage of consulting a relationship coach or counsellor, you're probably at the stage where reality has bitten!

Whether it's just nipped at your ankles or laid into your thigh with a big, toothy munch, you are experiencing some sort of uncertainty, stress or crisis in your relationship.

You may have lost that loving feeling. You may have started to question what you see in your partner. You flit between loving them and loathing them. One minute you want to be with them, the next minute you wish you were miles apart. You're confused and puzzled as to why suddenly, it all seems to have gone wrong.

The reason is because love is not enough.

That's right. You read it correctly.

"LOVE IS NOT ENOUGH!"

It doesn't matter what the Beatles or thousands of other musicians have sung. The true facts of life is that, while love is a very important part of a relationship, without other things, all you'll ever have is a dream which never quite comes true.

To help bolster and boost love, you need trust, respect, fidelity, passion and focus in your relationship. Without these, all you will ever have is a two-dimensional love affair.

Here's another reason why love is not enough:

Back in 1943, US psychologist and academic Abraham Maslow wrote a paper entitled A Theory of Human Motivation, in which he outlined his now famous Hierarchy of Human Needs. These needs are normally represented as a pyramid. From the bottom up, they are:

-Physiological: the need for adequate food and drink, air in our lungs and a good night's sleep.

-Safety: the need to feel secure in our homes and in our community.

-Love/Belonging: the need to have sexual and non-sexual relationships, to start a family or join clubs, gangs, religious or community groups,

-Esteem: the need for self-respect and to be recognized and respected by others.

-Self-Actualization: the need for human beings to make the most of their unique abilities, e.g. a journalist must write to be truly happy with himself.

Your physiological needs are the most important by a wide margin. They control your thoughts and behaviour and can trigger feelings of discomfort, pain and illness.

Let's say your income doesn't cover your mortgage payments. Because of this, you're not eating well, you're stressed out and are constantly tired.

The last thing on your mind would be to service the needs of your relationship - unless of course, your partner can help you get out of the situation. That said, although your partner's support takes care of one of your needs, their assistance may clash with two of your other needs: the need for esteem and self-actualization.

This may explain why some people in relationships react badly when you offer them help. You believe you're trying to help, while they're too proud to accept what they believe is charity. They don't want to diminish their standing in your eyes. But perhaps more importantly, they don't want to diminish themselves in their own mind. Does this describe someone close to you. I mean really close?

In addition to getting affection from people close to us, we also crave acceptance from specific groups, including private members' clubs, religious movements, campaigning organizations and amateur dramatics societies.

Without these things in our lives, we may become prone to social anxiety and feelings of loneliness.

We also feel the need to do something for ourselves. We may be teachers, lawyers, secretaries, doctors, social workers, accountants, administrative workers, bar tenders, company directors or secretaries who like restoring old cars, hill walking, pigeon fancying, body building, jogging, stamp collecting, micro-lighting or DIY.

Whatever we're in to, we need to be given the space and support from our partners to do these things, even if this means excluding them from those activities. The things that we do in our 'me time' fulfill our need for esteem and self-actualization.

So, the message is, that it's only after we've been fed and watered, that the need to feel loved and accepted by our partners and friends kicks in. From now on, make sure you eat healthily and sleep well. It may seriously affect your relationship!

It also puts into perspective the misconception that your lover, child or friend is the most important thing in your life.

You are!

About The Author


Seltzer Cole is a writer, coach and counsellor who runs RelationshipRescue.co.uk, a site which helps people to mend or end bad relationships at home or at work. This article is an excerpt from his new book: "I Love You, I Love You, I Hate You So Much! - How to Mend or End a Bad Relationship." You can visit Seltzer at http://www.relationshiprescue.co.uk.

Relationships911@aol.com

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Wonderful Love

Can you say "I love you" too many times? Well, if you don't really mean it of course you can. Or maybe it's the unimaginative ways we express it that compel us to stop using the words "I love you" altogether.

Love is not just an emotion or feeling. Love is something we must see with our eyes, not just feel with our heart. In order to keep the word love from being common place we must keep it alive with the things we do for that special person in our life. Be it a soft burning, sweet smelling candle lighting a dark room with a delicious dinner for two on the table, and the soothing sound of music in the background; surprising your sweetheart with something romantic is a great way of showing them how much you love and care for them.

Too many times we think it is enough just to say "I love you" to our sweetheart. We are then off the hook to really work at keeping the relationship fresh and exciting. If you are clueless as what would put the "sparkle" back in your relationship, try a few if these simple things:

Give your sweetheart a wonderful back rub, gently telling them to relax and unwind from their day at work or with the kids, etc. While you are both relaxed, this is a good time to tell them you love them and that they mean the world to you. When you take the time to give them your time and attention without expecting something in return, this makes the word "love" more meaningful.

Try arranging a special day for the two of you to do something the other enjoys. Participate in that activity with them, even though it's not your favorite thing to do and give them all your attention and just cherish the day. The words "I love you" will come freely from both of you at the end of the day. Your sweetheart will see that you mean what you say by giving of yourself.

If you enjoy writing or are creative you might try your hand at composing a short poem or
"love" letter to them, or buy a beautiful card or small little gift. Go ahead and leave it under the bed pillow for them, or anywhere they might be surprised to find it.

How about doing some chores or work around the house before your sweetheart asks you to? Maybe even do something more than they would expect you to do. Before their very eyes it is done, without them nagging you. How much you love them couldn't be more apparent.

When said at the appropriate times, with just the right feeling from your heart, truly the simple words "I love you" can be the most exhilarating sounds your ears will hear.

About The Author


Jane Karwoski is the co-publisher of the e-book Romantic Secrets to Intimacy. To find out what a true romantic knows sign up for a free newsletter at http://www.secrets-to-intimacy.com.

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8 Ways To Heal When Love Hurts

Sometimes our loved ones hurt us. Dads can get physical or disappear from our lives. Moms can betray us with their anger and lack of support. A best friend can shock us by turning their backs on us. A spouse can be unfaithful and destroy our trust. Our children can take a destructive path that is sure to crush our heart. These are some of the big hurts in life that leave us wondering how we will ever heal.

But there are little hurts too that can build into mountains of resentment if we don't address them. Angry words are exchanged during an argument. A friend neglects your friendship. People take you for granted without even knowing it. Your child rejects you in a moment of hurt and frustration.

To hang on to hurt or anger is destructive to our emotional, spiritual, physical and relational health. It drains our energy, strains our relationships, and zaps the joy from our life. So how do we heal our heart when love hurts? Here are some suggestions to help you move beyond the hurt and get on with enjoying life.

Confront Your Anger: Our initial reaction when someone hurts or betrays us is often anger. Maybe we feel violated or disrespected. We want to perhaps lash back and make the other person hurt. Refrain from doing that. Anger expressed when we are hurt can be distorted and damaging to our relationships. Take some time to handle your anger in another way. Talk with a trusted friend, counselor or life coach. Express your feelings in a journal or write a letter to the person who hurt you (but don't give it to them).

Seek Truth and Understanding: How can you better understand the person who hurt you? What truth do you need to know about the other person? Sometimes people hurt us because they are hurting too. Other times people hurt us unintentionally. Ask for the truth and be willing to hear, accept and embrace it. Share your truth and help the other person understand you.

Search for the Lesson: Experiencing pain and suffering is not easy. However, there is usually a lesson to be learned from our pain. What aren't or weren't you paying attention to? What does this experience teach you about yourself and the other person? What changes need to be made as a result of your pain? While the human drama includes pain, we have a choice in how to view it.

Give Grace: We are all human, and we all make mistakes. Some mistakes are worse than others, and some mistakes hurt more than others. Most of us are doing the best we can in any given situation. People make choices based on their past, their belief systems, and the past and collective thought of humanity. Unfortunately, people sometimes make choices that hurt us. We need grace when we make choices that hurt our loved ones, and our loved ones need grace as well.

Accept the Love Deposits: When we are hurt, it is sometimes difficult to accept the apologies and attempts to make amends from our loved ones. Maybe your guard has been thrown up and you're unsure if you can trust again. One way to heal a wounded heart is to allow yourself to truly feel the sincere love deposits that are made to your emotional bank account. Maybe the love will come from the person who hurt you, but maybe it will not. Seek out and embrace the love that is being given to you.

Grieve the Sadness: With hurt comes sadness. Maybe you feel sad about what happened. Perhaps you feel sad about what you didn't receive. Sometimes the sadness is an indication that you need to grieve the loss of a dream. Allow yourself to feel the sadness - let the tears flow. Crying is a very cathartic ritual.

Set Appropriate Boundaries: When our loved ones hurt us continually, we may need to set boundaries for healing to take place. A child may need to go to his room when his anger is destructive. You may need to end a conversation with someone who is hurting you. It's even possible that you need to end a relationship that is repeatedly hurting your self-esteem. Healing cannot take place if we don't take care of ourselves. And people will not begin treating us with respect until we respect ourselves.

Forgive: Lastly, we need to forgive so that we can move on with life. Forgiving does not mean that we condone our loved ones behavior. It does not mean that we allow others to keep hurting us. To forgive means to give up all resentment and the desire to punish the other person. In our heart, it means we've cancelled the debt we feel others owe us.

Sometimes the only way to know love is to experience what love is not. Whatever the question, challenge or decision, love is always the answer. God is perfect love, and His desire is for us to model His character. Healing from hurts moves us closer to love.

Claremont pastor exits post (Daily Bulletin)CLAREMONT - Change someone's heart - the mind will follow. Dr. Butch Henderson - often referred to as the voice of progressive Christianity in the Inland Empire - has a theology based on logic, yet rooted in love.